We’ve all heard the warning about too many adverbs, but they’re not always a cardinal writing sin. In our inaugural episode, D.C. and Avery will share a drink and revise an old snippet of Avery’s writing with an eye on adverbs. Which ones can stay and which can be tweaked?
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Streaming Audio:
Episode 1 Cocktails:
Too Many Adverbs:
- 1.5 oz Gin
- ½ oz Elderflower
- ½ oz Lime
- ¾ oz Lemon
- ¾ oz simple syrup
- Splash of seltzer
Shake all except seltzer in a shaker with ice, then pour into a highball glass with ice and top with the seltzer.
Adverbs, Revised:
- 2.5oz gin
- 1.5oz lemon
- 1 oz honey syrup
- Splash of club soda
Shake all except club soda in a shaker with ice, then pour into a highball glass with ice and top with the club soda.
Excerpts for Episode 1:
Before:
The creature’s claws gripped my ankle tightly as I was nearly through the window. It screamed loudly as it gave my leg a violent tug. I fell back jarringly against the outside wall and my leg twisted in the ghoul’s grip. Its deadly-sharp talons tore through my trousers and the light suede boots I wore, to rip open the flesh beneath. My head hit the stone wall hard, and my vision flashed blood red and virulent green with the pain. I cried out harshly in pain and terror, scrabbling against the stone futilely. The creature’s deadly grip on my ankle and leg was the only thing holding me as I dangled precariously upside down, halfway out of the window.
After:
The ghoul clutched my ankle, and gave my leg a violent tug as I scrambled through the window. I tumbled against the outside wall, and the talons tore through my trousers, ripping open the flesh of my twisted leg. My head struck the wall, and my vision flashed crimson. I cried out in pain, scrabbling against the stone to find purchase.
...and it's writing. 